Friends that can't
be happy for you

We often define a friend as someone who is there for us through the hard times- a shoulder to cry on, someone to comfort us and tell us everything will work out.

 

 

But how about the good times? It seems obvious that a friend should want to celebrate you when you’re winning right?.. But that sometimes isn’t the case. Many people don’t necessarily want you to be doing better than them, and we can separate our real friends from the others this way.

 

 

If your friendship only exists when you’re in some sort of peril, it can say a lot about the toxicity of a friendship. There are many reasons why this can happen such as:

 

Trauma bonding. If you’ve connected and established a friendship based on the shared negative experiences you’ve had, you doing better and moving past that trauma can feel isolating for your friend because they can’t relate to you anymore in the same way and can feel left behind.

 

Similarities. Regardless of trauma a bonding, when you’re similar to your friend in a lot of ways, they may expect to have the same opportunities available to them, as those available to you.

 

Upbringing. Those who were constantly compared to their peers as children (by parents) tend to have a more competitive mentality and may be primed to look at others’ successes as a threat. And comparison, as we know, is the thief of joy!

 

Misery loves company. If a friend feels low about their own circumstances, they may feel that your successes highlight their lack thereof. This can leave them disappointed and resentful with their own life choices or attitudes. In an attempt to avoid those feelings, they ignore your happiness.

 

A scarcity mentality. Your friend may see success as a finite resource. They may believe, that if you are presented with great opportunities, there are less opportunities for them.

 

Watch carefully how your friends react to good news. Do they seem excited you’re doing well? Do they encourage you to be your best self or your worst? Do they ask you questions about your successes or brush over them? Do you feel excited to tell them good news or do you dread it?

 

 

At the end of the day a friend who isn’t in your corner isn’t going to help you to become your best self. Let’s choose friends that empower us, can celebrate our successes as if it were their own and through doing so, nurture us to be our happiest self.